I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior when I was 13-years-old. I didn't have a "horrible" life, or any grande reason for this decision, it was just what I knew that I needed to do at that time. It was a "tugging" on my heart. Shortly after this, I can remember praying and asking God to help me know if I should have children. I said, "if I'm not supposed to have children, or if I would be happier without them, please don't let me physically be able to have them". At the time, I thought it was a normal request, as I really wasn't sure if I wanted kids, but now I look back on it and know that it was God's way of preparing my heart for what was to come.
As I grew up, I made a lot of mistakes. Like a typical teenager, I thought I knew everything. Not only did I think I was smarter than my parents, but I think I thought I was smarter than God, too. I made bad choices, but with each one, I learned and grew stronger in my faith. I was beginning to learn that as a Christian, I didn't have to be perfect, because I was forgiven, but I needed to be obedient. It took me a lot of years to really put that lesson into effect.
I married young, after just turning 20, to the wrong man/boy. At the time, you couldn't have told me he wasn't the one God had for me, because I still thought I knew what path God had me on. I never stopped to think that I never asked God if he was the one for me, I just wanted him to be, so I moved forward as if he were the one. After 8 years of a rough marriage, filled with 2 miscarriages and emotional abuse, we divorced. I was devastated, thinking that God could never love someone who got divorced. I thought that I was no longer saved, and was doomed to Hell, so I lived as if this were true. I made more bad choices, and lived a life unbecoming a woman of God, for about 1 1/2 years. At that point, I realized that even though I tried to let go of God, He never let go of me. He once again tugged on my heart strings, and reminded me of His love and my commitment to Him. At the age of 29, I re-committed my life to Him, and gave the worries of marrying again to Him.
By the time I was 32, I wasn't dating anyone, and thought that it wasn't looking good to ever have a family. I wasn't so sure that I would still be fortunate enough to meet the man that God had for me, and may live a life of being single. I'd been afraid that I would make the same mistakes again, thinking I was in-love with someone when I really wasn't, so I asked God to help me to know that I loved the man He had for me. Little did I know that He had that man for me, and I was just about to meet him.
I met Don, Jan. 2, 1993, on a blind date. I was living in Orlando, and he was from the Atlanta area, so I didn't think much would come of it. I really wasn't attracted to him, when we first met, but as I got to know him, I fell in love with him. This was my way of knowing it was real love. I'd met the man who was everything I wanted in a man, but wasn't attracted to him. It was "who" he was that caused me to fall in-love with him, not what he looked like. It all happened pretty fast, as we were engaged on Jan. 29th, and married on March 6th. There were a lot of people who doubted that it would last, because it happened so fast, but after 16 years, I can safely say that it's real and it'll last.
Less than a year after Don & I married, I found out I had cancer, and may not be able to have children. After 4 years of treatments, and unsuccessfully trying to get pregnant, I had to have a Hysterectomy. We thought about adopting, but I was reminded of my "chat" with God, when I was just 13. Not being able to have a child seemed like my answer. I think God knew how much of a desire I had to breed horses, so He blessed me with 4-legged children, instead of 2. I was not afraid, or mad about my situation, because I knew after going through so many valleys with God, and coming up much higher on the other side, I knew there was a purpose and a reason for this valley. Of course, receiving the desires of your heart, with God giving me such a successful breeding business, and such wonderful horses, was more than I could have ever hoped for. The year I had my Hysterectomy, was the same year Donnermeyer was born, and the same year we found him, purchased him, then had him shipped over from Sweden. Not only did God give me such a well bred colt, with a combination of the best genetics you can have, He also gave me a very sweet and loving colt, and in my favorite color too! Donnermeyer was like the child I had longed for, and he has given me some beautiful foals, fulfilling that maternal instinct in all woman.
You see, I could have turned bitter and angry, after a life of 8 "wasted" years with the wrong man, or because of the 2 miscarriages, or the men who used me while I was single, or for getting cancer, or not being able to bear children, but I didn't. I have a hope and a peace within me, that reassures me that God has a reason for all He does, and it is for my ultimate good. I wouldn't go back and erase the 8 years of my first marriage, because it is part of what has made me who I am today. Just as I would not change the other sad or scary events in my life. I am thankful for them, as they not only grow me, they also remind me that God is right there, carrying me through the tough times, and there to cheer me on in the good times. He is the ultimate Father, who only wants the best for His children.
All of this is to let you know that I am not responsible for the successes I have had, I am only the blessed one who has been put in charge of these wonderful animals. I breed because I am blessed with the opportunity to do it, and to do it well. I try to pass on this blessing by offering my foals and my stallion's services to others looking for a similar blessing in a foal they might breed for. I value each person who crosses my path, knowing that it is not by chance that they do so, just as it is not by chance that you chose to read this. I hope in some way, my life, and the evidence of God's presence in this life, will bless you and encourage you that God is in control. He loves us and wants those who love Him to have the desires of their hearts.
"For I know the plans that I have for you", declares the LORD, "plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope". Jeremiah 29:11
Aug. 1, 2009